Photo: Errol Lewis/SON

(SoapOperaNetwork.com) — Distorted ages and other things that make you go hmmm…

SORAS (Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome) is nothing new to daytime dramas. For decades, characters have miraculously aged several years literally overnight. While this fudging of the birthdays is often done to fit storyline purposes, sometimes the discrepancy is so large that it simply cannot be overlooked. Such is the case of Todd and Téa’s secret love child Danielle. In theory, the plot has potential. Logically however, it falls flat and leaves viewers scratching their heads.

As we were regularly reminded upon Ms. Delgado’s return to Llanview nearly a year ago, it had been only six years since the two last saw one another while stranded on a deserted island in the South Pacific with Ross Rayburn. As we were led to believe at the time, it was the first (and only) instance where Todd and Téa were intimate. However, it was revealed this week that the two now have a teenage daughter. But how is that possible?

Téa didn’t even step foot in Llanview until 1997, so even if she and Todd hooked up offscreen at that time, the child would still fall short of a current age by at least a couple of years. To further complicate matters, Todd’s other daughter Starr was born in 1996, yet she is already seventeen years old, while her brother Jack (born in 2001) is roughly eleven or twelve. So trying to establish an appropriate timeline here is impossible, especially considering the fact that Danielle is shown to be older than Jack even though she would have been born somewhere around the time of his first birthday. And it has been made clear to the audience that the child had to have been born sometime after Téa and Ross were rescued from the island (Todd had already been found and brought back to the U.S. thanks to his homemade raft).

Confused? Well you aren’t alone. Even factoring in SORAS, this plot twist doesn’t make much sense. This is worse than when they aged and changed the gender of Marty and Partick’s child in order to cause friction with Starr and her parents. And, while I realize that it a soap’s main goal is to entertain and that, while watching, the viewer is expected to suspend their sense of reality and logical thinking until the episode is over, but come on. This is just too much of a loophole to ignore. I can’t wait to see how the show tries to explain this one.

But that isn’t the only thing I would like to see “One Life to Live” explain. I would also like to know where Rex is getting the money to pay all of Stacy’s rent along with medical, utility, and grocery bills, plus helping out Gigi with her and Shane’s expenses. I realize that Gigi and Shane live in Viki’s carriage house and she likely covers their utilities and does not charge them rent, but I’m sure they still have to buy food, clothes, and pay for doctor visits….and Gigi cannot make that much solely by waiting tables. And I’m sure that the recent big name musical guests at Ultra Violet have brought in some additional revenue for Rex…but still it seems difficult to believe that it is enough to pay for all of his bills, especially since he apparently even covers her cable and phone bills, not to mention the fact that Kim now lives in the loft as well. And it’s not like his P.I. business has exactly been booming these days.

Also, why is it that John has not even once asked Layla about Evangeline since she starting working at the police station? Remember that the two of them once had a rather steamy relationship. Seems odd that would no longer think of her. But that’s not all. How can Marcie give birth to a healthy baby in November when she only became pregnant in June with no complications whatsoever? How does a man who spent time in a mental hospital for holding a child hostage and shooting a man get to become a cop? What type of school lets students come and go as they please without asking any questions? Why are Viki and Dorian running for mayor when they have yet to debate or go out and campaign for votes? Why is it that Viki and David are such good friends even though he pretended to be her brother when he aided and abetted Dorian? Why did Clint hook up with Dorian, knowing all the pain that she has caused Viki over the years? Why do all the single women in Llanview think Todd is a Greek God? How can Viki so easily forgive Todd for all his misdeeds, yet shun Tina because of one mistake? Why did the first DNA test the Buchanan’s ran on David show that he was Asa’s son when he was really Bo’s? How did Rachel and Téa suddenly become friends again? Why is Bo suddenly in love with Nora after making it clear for years that he had never forgiven her for sleeping with Sam? Why is it that characters like Miles and Larry are never even mentioned, even though they supposedly still live in Llanview? If Rex and Gigi are soulmates, then how was he able to be away from her for ten years without so much as a letter or phone call? Why does Todd suddenly think that every word out of Blair’s mouth is the gospel? How is Kyle still able to work at a hospital considering he was involved in blackmail along with other shady dealings. And lastly, how was Schuyler ever able to get a job teaching with his history of drug abuse? Those are but a few of the things that have left my head spinning lately.

So what are some of the plot holes on “OLTL” that have really pushed your buttons lately? Just comment on this article and let me know what really ticks you off, and I just may post of them in my next column.

On a side note, here is a little bit of some very, very minor casting nuggets. IMDb has postings for the “OLTL” episodes scheduled to air on or around the following dates: October 23rd & 28th, November 3rd, 6th, 11th, & 30th, and December 3rd, 4th, & 7th, although they currently have no dayplayer actors listed as appearing in those episodes. Stay tuned for more. Also, Brian M. Wixson appreaded on October 20th as a News Cameraman.

In other news, Gina Tognoni informs Daytime Confidential that she starts taping on “One Life to Live” around late January. Yes that was Jackie Hoffman in Thursday’s episode as Eunice Burns. This is the third time we have seen her this year. We also saw her being a ticket taker at the Go Red ball who refused to take lip from Gigi when she tried to get in the ball in a blue dress (instead of red) because Stacy had stolen her dress, ticket, and used her name to get in with Rex. And then again working at the pharmacy that Markko went to when he tried to buy condoms for his and Langston’s “first time.”

Also, I’m impressed with the PSA featuring the ABC Daytime stars periodically running after the last scene of all three soaps in support of October being “Breast Cancer Awarness Month.” Farah Fath (Gigi) represents “OLTL” in the PSA.

And we here at SON are toying with a new, slightly revised logo for our website. Let me know what you think. Click here for a sneak peak.

Moving on, sorry for my rather infrequent tweeting last week on my “OLTL”/SON Twitter page last week. I had several things going on including two days worth of yard work to free the lawn of leaves and pressure wash the siding, a slight cold and stomach ache, and did a little shopping. Too much to do, and too little time in which to do it.

Congratulations to “Torry” and “Trici” for correctly guessing the mystery character from my last column as Nurse Karen Martin. Niki Flacks portrayed the unstable medical caregiver from 1968-70.

For those who may have missed the clues here they are: Back in 1969, Dr. Larry Wolek was unlucky in love. Even though his heart belonged to Meredith, one particular nurse at the hospital developed an unhealthy obsession with the good doctor. A few months earlier, her testimony had helped clear him in the murder trial of Dr. Ted Hale. Following a brief courtship, she shocked Larry with the claim that she was pregnant with his child. Later she would heroically save him from a fire in the store room at Llanview Hospital, which left him burned rather severely.

Following his recovery, Larry wanted to do the right thing when she threatened to have an abortion (then illegal) and married his pregnant nurse. However, shortly into the unhappy union, his new bride suffered a miscarriage, at which point he was free to pursue his beautiful Meredith. However, at the time, Meredith was ended up in a relationship with an amnesiac newcomer she named Tom Edwards (after one of her pet cats). This came about after Meredith learned she had a deadly rare blood disease, and that Larry had hid the information from her. Eventually she got Tom a job at the family newspaper ‘The Banner,’ and the young man was taken under the wing of her powerful father Victor Lord. At first ‘Tom,’ who was only pretending to have amnesia, preyed upon Victor’s desire to find his long-lost son, by claiming to be the old man’s rightful heir. However, his ploy became a problem when he feel in love with Meredith. Although he proposed marriage to her, Meredith confessed that she couldn’t accept because Larry was her true love.

Although heartbroken, Tom let Meredith go and was eventually able to convince Larry’s nurse/estranged wife to do the same, so that two were able to get married. Not long thereafter, Larry’s former nurse left town for good.

Now it’s time to play another round of “Llanview, Who Am I?,” a new feature where you have to use the clues to figure out the identity of a mystery character from “OLTL’s” past. See if you can figure it out. Good luck!!!

In 1997, Mel and Cassie are greeted by an elderly lady, who still resides in the Cramer farmhouse. She tells them about Dorian, Addie, and Melinda’s parents Sonya and Louis, and how they died in a plane crash in Kentucky. The old woman then proceeds to inform them how Dorian had a very violent temper as a child, and would fight constantly with her sisters. As they continue their visit, the elderly lady states that she came to live with the Cramer family she was only 15 and that she grew up in Illnois. She tells Cassie about her grandmother’s love of music and how her grandfather adored her, but recalls that everything changed after the children were born. Even though the girls mother loved them as much as her music, they were quite a handful. She evens goes so far as to tell them how Addie once looked Dorian in a well house and left her there all day, prompting a frantic search for her. Fortunately she (the old lady) was the one who found Dorian, who was shaken but otherwise unharmed. As a result, Addie was institutionalized, however Dorian and Melinda were told that she had passed away. With Addie out of the picture, their mother became closer to Melinda because of her gift of music, causing Dorian to feel left out.

After the chat, the old woman takes Mel and Cassie to visit her grandparents gravesite. She explains to them that they were coming home from Kentucky when the accident occurred and that she herself brought back the bodies in a hearse, and that it was a small funeral. When Cassie exclaims that it must awful, the woman responds that “it was the worst day of my life, except for one.” When Mel asks her what the saddest day of her life was, she confesses that it was the day that Melinda was institutionalized. Then she told them that Dorian still feels the need to protect her sisters.

Afterward, Mel tells Cassie that he thinks the woman was lying to them. Once they leave, she immediately contacts Dorian. Searching for answers, Mel and Cassie research the aforementioned plane crash, and discover that the old lady’s story doesn’t quite add up. Back in Llanview, Kelly answers the phone only to hear the woman’s voice on the other end. After claiming that Dorian wasn’t home, she hangs up the phone just as her aunt walks in the room. Kelly lies and says that it was someone looking for Blair.

Some time later Mel, Cassie, and Kelly assemble privately to discuss how everything seems to be tied to Dorian. Mel announces that he has contacted the FAA, who told him that they have no record of the crash the old lady was referring to. Furthermore, the local clerk’s office in Kentucky had no death certificate for either Mr. or Mrs. Cramer, even though the undertaker in Canton did. Mel tells them that all death certificates are numbered and that the ones matching Dorian’s parents were made out to other people. He suspects that the old woman forged the documents before giving them to the undertaker.

Meanwhile, Dorian remembers seeing her father’s body on the floor and hearing the woman telling her that it was all her fault and that she will never be forgiven. Later, Mel and the girls confront Dorian and urge her to go and talk to the woman in person, resulting in a terrible fight between her and Mel. Some time later, Dorian turns up missing. Unknown to her loved ones, she has traveled to Canton, where is lays roses on her parents grave.

It isn’t long before it is discovered where Dorian has gone, and Mel and Cassie head for Ohio. When Blair suggests they call the old woman, Mel says they had better not tip her off. On their way out of Llanview, they ask Viki for some time off from The Banner, and she wishes them luck on their journey.

Back in Canton, Dorian visits the old home place. After taking a stroll down memory lane, Dorian tells her that she knows Mel and Cassie came to see her. The woman asks if she got her messages, to which Dorian says that she did not. The lady isn’t sure why they wouldn’t forward the message to her. Dorian admits that they her family has been probing her concerning her mother’s death and asking all sorts of questions about Melinda’s accident and about the old woman. The lady asks Dorian what she told them.

After recalling what she told her family, Dorian remembers how her mother forced her to challenge Melinda to a race and cut the girth on a saddle. The woman tells Dorian that it is not the correct version of the story and that disaster struck after Dorian told her father that ‘lie.’ Several miles away, Mel and Cassie arrive at a motel, where they decide to spend the night.

While in her old bedroom, Dorian awakens and is terrified to hear her mother’s piano music playing. The woman attempts to calm Dorian by claiming it is only one of her mother’s old practice tapes. After going back to bed, Dorian spots a mysterious, shadowy figure in the doorway. The next morning, Dorian confronts the old woman and let’s her know that she has found out about the forged death certificates, and she knows the glass of milk she gave her the night before was drugged. The two women then get into a rather heated argument with Dorian demanding answers as Cassie and Mel arrive. As Dorian explains what is going on, Mel starts questioning the woman as well, going so far as accusing her of killing Dorian’s parents herself. The bickering takes its toll on the old lady, who clutches her heart and falls to the floor. They set her up in a chair and place a cool rag on her forehead as she comes to. Shortly thereafter, she is taken upstairs where Dorian is supervised to learn that she is staying in her parents old bedroom.

Mel and Cassie agree that the old woman is putting on a show and that they need to try a more subtle approach if they are to get answers from her. After apologizing to Dorian for their actions, the trio decide to turn in for the night. Cassie decides to stay in one of the bedrooms down the hall. However, instead of going to sleep she follows the sound of a person playing a piano. Hearing someone approaching she hides and watches the old woman unlock and open a door, and then lock it again behind her.

Days later, Dorian sneaks upstairs and is horrified to discover that her mentally unstable mother is very much alive and that the woman has been taking care of her all these years. Suddenly she flashes back to her mother hitting her father over the head with a statue, killing him. When Cassie races upstairs after hearing the commotion, Sonya (Dorian’s mother) attacks her. When Cassie is hit with a fireplace poker Dorian rushes to her aid, unaware that Sonya is coming after her with the same bust she used to murder her father. Turning around just in the nick of time, the two women struggle for control. As Mel and Kelly (who has just arrived with Kevin and Joey) watch from the doorway, Dorian knocks her mother unconscious. Tending to Cassie, Dorian explains that her mother killed her father, and she wasn’t going to let her kill her daughter too.

Kelly takes Cassie downstairs while Mel stays with Dorian, who is holding her mother’s hand. Informing Kevin and Joey of what happened upstairs, the old woman hastily leaves the room. She races upstairs to find Sonya’s eyes open and Dorian soothing her by talking to her and stroking her hair. As her mother begins to fade, she asks Dorian if she can her the music playing. As Dorian cradles her in her arms, Sonya dies. However, when Dorian refuses to just leave her body there, Mel tells her that they need to go and get help.

As Mel and Dorian are headed downstairs, the old woman tells Sonya’s limp body that “I won’t let them take you away, dear. You need me, you always have. And I’ll take care of you.” She gets up to lock the door, then returns to the dead body. Meanwhile, Dorian and Mel are now banging on the door, but are ignored by the woman, who starts a fire in the room and laments that “We’ll always be together, I’ll never leave you.” With the room now burning, Brahms’ Requiem begins to play as the old lady just sets there with Sonya’s lifeless body. Mel tries to break down the door, while Dorian pleads with her to let them in. However the old lady just sets there as the fire prepares to consume them.

So who is this mysterious woman from the past? I’ll have the answers in the November 15th edition of “My View in Llanview.” I’ll even give you bonus points if you can tell me the name of the actress cast in the role. Until then make your best guesses and give me your feedback on the column. Also don’t forget to tell me what bugs you about the show these days. I love hearing from fellow “OLTL” fans. And don’t forget to check out my Twitter page for all the latest OLTL news and information at SON.

Well that’s concludes yet another edition of the column. Have a safe and happy Halloween and try not to eat too much candy!

And until next time remember, we only have “One Life to Live”…

“One Life to Live” airs Weekdays on ABC. Weeknights on SOAPnet. Check local listings.

Tags: ABC, Addie, Asa, Blair, Bo, Brahms' Requiem, Breast Cancer Awarenss Month, Brian M. Wixson, Canton, Cassie, Cats, Clint, Danielle, David, Dayplayers, Daytime Confidential, Dorian, Dr. Ted Hale, Eunice Burns, Evangeline, FAA, Farah Fath, Gigi, Gina Tognoni, Halloween, Illnois, IMDb, Jack, Jackie Hoffman, Joey, John, Kelly, Kentucky, Kevin, Kim, Kyle, Langston, Larry, Layla, Louis Cramer, Marcie, Markko, Marty, Mel, Melinda, Meredith, Miles, My View of Llanview, News Cameraman, Niki Flacks, Nora, Nurse Karen Martin, Ohio, OLTL, One Life to Live, Patrick, Rachel, Rex, Ross, Schuyler, Scott Clifton, Shane, SOAPnet, SON, Sonya Cramer, SORAS, Stacy, Starr, Téa, The Banner, Tina, Todd, Tom Edwards, Twitter, Ultra Violet, Victor Lord, Viki

More Posts